I remember about ten years ago, my wife and I were in a restaurant. At the table next to us was a small family – they may have had 2 or 3 kids. As usual, the kids were enjoying some free crayons and paper time as they waited for their meals to arrive.
My wife and I sat and enjoyed talking, not really paying attention to anything but each other. Without any warning, the father at the other table yells, “No we can’t take it home! We can’t save every single piece of paper you kids draw on!” This guy was pissed.
At the time, my wife and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We spoke later about how cruel the father was to the little kid. What does it matter? It’s a piece of paper, etc. etc.
Now, ten years down the road and with five kids of my own, I can understand the guy’s frustration. I don’t condone the way he handled the whole thing, but I have felt his pain. In all honesty, the table next to our bed has but one drawer and it is filled with drawings and scribblings from our kids. Every once in a while, the herd gets thinned, so to speak, and I start to fill the drawer up again. Many times, I tell the kids, “That’s a good one. Go put it in my drawer for me, will ya?”
So, the Good Dad Trick for today is: Embrace The Chaos.
What the hell does that mean? It means that life with kids is not life with adults. Everything is new to them, everything is exciting. They want to take it all in and share it with you. YOU and your approval mean more to them than a dump truck full of ice cream.
To you it’s a bunch of scribbled on papers. To them it’s a masterpiece – one that will be forgotten, most likely, by bedtime. Take it all in, tuck it away. Build those kids up. What they do is special, so let it be special for a bit. And sometimes, when the special is worn off, you can pitch it.
I am a big believer in building up our kids, encouraging them, engaging them in the world around us. Even when the ridiculous comes home to roost, I try to find something positive to say.
Here’s an example. Last Tuesday we held primary elections here. I survived quite a day at work and came home to the usual active household. We had to go out again at 7 pm, so dinner need to move along. I had a morning meeting to think about and I really wanted to practice my piano that night. I had a lot going on.
My wife stood with our littlest girl in the kitchen and told me that Ella had finally made a decision on who to vote for. Who? I asked. Washington, Ella said – dead serious. My wife told me that our girl had narrowed it down to Washington and Lincoln, but had opted for Washington in the end.
I wonder if that guy in the restaurant from ten years ago would have blown his top about that one. I wonder if, to him, elections rank higher on the “serious scale” than crayon drawings. Or I wonder if he would have just told his girl “Good job” like I did.
Embracing the Chaos doesn’t mean letting everyone run free and act like hooligans. As fathers, we’ve got to lead our families, knowing when to rein in the inmates at the asylum and knowing when to let them run free.
After ten years at this Dad job, I’ve calmed down quite a bit. Everything will not be put away every night. Every book will not be shelved before bed. Every question cannot be answered before sleep. I know these things now.
I also know that the world looks a whole lot different when you are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 years old. It’s not important that we have the restaurant artwork twenty years from now. What is important is that we accepted the gift graciously in the first place.
Now these are not true licorice flavor. For the real licorice experience, I recommend Young and Smiley black licorice pieces from Hershey’s (although I have a hard time finding them).